When I wrote about parenting “styles” I also had in mind of how as we as individuals compare and contrast everything. From different outfits to the weather and everything in between. But when I became a teacher I noticed that kids were compared more than anything else. Everything felt like a competition and there was always an undercurrent of winning because losing was definitely was out of the question.
So when I became a mother I knew that “evil” was out there lurking in our hearts and minds telling us to one up a person or to see where our child is measuring up with the pack. Of course not taking into account the fact that no two people are alike in their growth, we are all zebras. But that didn’t stop me from wondering what that other child was up to or reading my shelf of development books to see what my kid should be doing or subscribing to different websites that send a weekly/monthly email about what my kid should be doing. It all seems a bit overwhelming. Not to mention there are several different APPS out there that can bring it straight to your phone and allow you to track their progress.
I would read and check and sometimes
push encourage my child to be moving in the direction of the next milestone and then I would begin to worry when I didn’t see it happening when it “should”. I was a closet basket case… to the outside world I had a great child and I would really emphasize on all her accomplishments and try to steer clear of what she couldn’t do. I would come home and encourage and talk to the Hubs about what we could do to get her to learn something quicker and now so that she wouldn’t be behind.
I was beginning without my knowing to wish away her childhood to not let her just be and be in the moment because I wanted more from her…
True but sad story and now with the Little Man I think back to what Archer was doing at his age and I have started to catch myself comparing them and so I knew I needed to write it down. The only way I was going to get myself to realize what I was doing was to write it so that myself and others could see my faults. It has really been weighing heavily on my mind since July and now that I have really thought of it (and with the knowledge of knowing this is our last kid) I have settled in my thoughts to know he will grow and do and accomplish in his own time. Plus the same thing goes for her. There is still time to step back and just let her be. Let her enjoy her childhood, explore on her own terms and to show me who she is without me interfering.