How to define beauty is all I can think about tonight. It has been one of those days actually it has been a few of those days in a row where things seems to take a downward spiral. Little Man not wanting to nap and wanting to be held, personal health issues, a flat tire, The Babe falling and skinning her knee, elbow and forehead and a huge limb falling in our yard again.
So today when I felt like I had some energy even without a nap and finally when Little Man took a nap on his own I agreed to The Babe to make some cookies. Baking is something that we do regularly if not weekly and at one point daily. She loves watching me pour in the ingredients and to watch the mixer whirl around. She most definitely loves when I’m done and I give her something to lick.
Today I thought I would try something different. I think it was out of pure laziness I just didn’t want to clear the table we normally worked from so I let her stand on a chair and watch. I continuously told her not to touch and to not out her hands in the bowl ad the mixer went around. I was standing next to her measuring out an ingredient when the bowl started to make a weird noise. In a split second her bangs got caught in the mixer and her head was pinned to the bowl. I went to stop the mixer and that is when her hair was pulled out. I began to soothe her and cry because I couldn’t bear to look at my little girl. What kind of parent was I to allow this to happen?! I felt ashamed that I wasn’t more cautious.
Then as she settled I kept thinking that my daughter’s beautiful hair was ruined. Her hair has become such a part of her. From the full head that she had when she was born to the ringlets that spring up here and there. I just kept looking at that spot and started to cry. I was so sick to my stomach.
But my little lady just felt it and looked in the mirror and smiles. She let me pull it over to the side to hide the spot. She didn’t see what I saw. Yeah it might feel a bit funny and when she asked me to make cookies again she would point and say ow, ouch at the mixer. But she wasn’t so concerned with how beautiful she looked or didn’t.
This all takes me back to my childhood. I had a step-dad that adopted us and was very into the fact that girls should have long hair and boys should have short. That long hair was beautiful. And even now I look on Pinterest or see celebrities in magazines when I’m shopping and I comment about their long, beautiful locks.
I also struggle with growing mine out or cutting it off because I know when I cut it I will get remarks about it being short or looking like a boy. And I remember times when I’ve left the hairdresser crying because I wasn’t sure why I decided to do that to my hair.
So I think when did hair become such a status symbol of beauty? When did I as a child become so ingrained with the notion that long hair is beautiful? Can I look at my daughter and see the true beauty that she is regardless of some missing hair? I know that the next few months will be hard as we grow out that portion and I will tend to not want to take pictures because of the shame I feel as a parent. But with it all I need to learn to capture her true inner beauty.